Q & A on Being Newly Married!

 1. I know as a woman, submitting to a man is difficult especially in this day in age. My question is, how do we begin to learn to be a submissive wife? Can we learn to do that before marriage?

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ." -Ephesians 6:5

Why does this verse say "just as you would obey Christ?" Because this verse is saying that we are also slaves to Christ. This is confirmed in the very next verse which goes on to say:

"Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart." -Ephesians 6:6

Obedience is bigger than the slave and his master. It is bigger than the bride and her groom or the husband and his wife. Obedience goes back to Jesus Christ. As a church, we are not only slaves to Christ, but we are His bride. In every relationship that we have, the way we act is a direct reflection of how we treat Jesus in our personal relationships with Him. If we always disobey Jesus, we will inevitable disobey our husbands and parents. I we curse Jesus we will curse our neighbors.

The closer you are to Jesus, the more sensitive you will be to the Holy Spirit who will lead you into all truth. Being obedient is not an option for me because the conviction in me has grown too strong to let it be. I know that my obedience is bigger than my feelings and emotions. My obedience is connected with God's good and perfect will for my life.

Whenever I act wrongly towards my husband, I get a check in my spirit. The Holy Spirit will speak to me and lead me to apologize and submit to my husband. If you want to prepare for submission in marriage, repent, begin to obey God in the things that He is speaking to you, and recognize that His plans are bigger than your present circumstances and emotions.

2. How do you know when you are ready to be married to your fiance?

The wedding ring symbolizes eternity. It is a band with neither a start nor finish that says you and your spouse are committed now and forever, no matter the circumstance. 

That is why during a marriage ceremony, wedding rings are exchanged after the verbal and written vows are exchanged first.

You know you are ready to be married when you have prayed about it, understand the level of commitment, are willing to take on that commitment, and realize that commitment is not for your own selfish agenda but to bring God glory.

That is why I married my husband while still in school. I was committed to him and I wasn't waiting for things to be perfect for us to move on to the next level. Everyone was pressuring me to wait till I finished school two more years from now but I had spent time praying about it and I knew it was the right time for me. I married my husband in faith. He was looking for a job and was not working. Still, I didn't base my decision on the rough time we had been going through, but rather my commitment to him. Now he has a job and is able to provide for us but I am happy that I got to show him my commitment even when he had nothing materialistic or monetary to give.

3. What are some things you have to share or blend together once you get married?

The main thing that is different that you'll have to share is your life. All of the dreams, plans, goals, and family that you had before are now shared with the one you marry. These things you should share naturally but there will be other things that you have to intentionally share. Things such as feelings, secrets, money, will require you to put in the effort and communication to be open about those things. Different things work for different couples but Chris and I try our best to share everything. Still, it is healthy to take sometime to spend with friends or get some space every now and then.

As far as worship, I still like to have my secret time with the Lord because that is extra precious but I try to do it early in the morning or when Chris is away so that when he and I are together, we can then spend our devotional time together.

You also have to keep in mind though that God enters the midst of marriages in Him and He is always there.

The bible says: in Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." 

When you get married you are qualified for that verse for the rest of your life. Therefore, you both share God's presence.

4.  What can us single women do to prepare ourselves for our soon-to-be future husbands?

Preparing to be a wife is a process that continues even after marriage. I'm still learning how to be a wife, particularly, Chris' wife. The Lord began preparing me as I kept seeking to develop my relationship with Him personally. It just happened naturally thanks to the Holy Spirit who leads and teaches. Still, a unique way in which the Lord helped prepare me to be a wife was through showing me how to be a best friend. A lot of the skills that are needed for marriage are the same skills that you need in friendships.

With my best friend, I learned a lot about communication. I learned about putting my selfishness aside for her at times and I learned how to build her up rather than compete with her. I also cooked for my best friend a lot and learned a lot of recipes that I now use on my husband. All these things and more are skills and learned and now use in my marriage today.

With Jesus, I practiced things like submission, obedience, trust, intimacy, etc. Now I'm wokring on implementing those important qualities to my marriage.

Your relationship with your husband or wife will be the most important relationship in your life besides the relationship that you have with God. When your time is approaching the Lord will prepare you as you grow in your relationship with Him and you will bear the fruits of the spirit that will help you to grow in your relationships with others.

^"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23