Q & A on Being Newly Married!

 1. I know as a woman, submitting to a man is difficult especially in this day in age. My question is, how do we begin to learn to be a submissive wife? Can we learn to do that before marriage?

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ." -Ephesians 6:5

Why does this verse say "just as you would obey Christ?" Because this verse is saying that we are also slaves to Christ. This is confirmed in the very next verse which goes on to say:

"Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart." -Ephesians 6:6

Obedience is bigger than the slave and his master. It is bigger than the bride and her groom or the husband and his wife. Obedience goes back to Jesus Christ. As a church, we are not only slaves to Christ, but we are His bride. In every relationship that we have, the way we act is a direct reflection of how we treat Jesus in our personal relationships with Him. If we always disobey Jesus, we will inevitable disobey our husbands and parents. I we curse Jesus we will curse our neighbors.

The closer you are to Jesus, the more sensitive you will be to the Holy Spirit who will lead you into all truth. Being obedient is not an option for me because the conviction in me has grown too strong to let it be. I know that my obedience is bigger than my feelings and emotions. My obedience is connected with God's good and perfect will for my life.

Whenever I act wrongly towards my husband, I get a check in my spirit. The Holy Spirit will speak to me and lead me to apologize and submit to my husband. If you want to prepare for submission in marriage, repent, begin to obey God in the things that He is speaking to you, and recognize that His plans are bigger than your present circumstances and emotions.

2. How do you know when you are ready to be married to your fiance?

The wedding ring symbolizes eternity. It is a band with neither a start nor finish that says you and your spouse are committed now and forever, no matter the circumstance. 

That is why during a marriage ceremony, wedding rings are exchanged after the verbal and written vows are exchanged first.

You know you are ready to be married when you have prayed about it, understand the level of commitment, are willing to take on that commitment, and realize that commitment is not for your own selfish agenda but to bring God glory.

That is why I married my husband while still in school. I was committed to him and I wasn't waiting for things to be perfect for us to move on to the next level. Everyone was pressuring me to wait till I finished school two more years from now but I had spent time praying about it and I knew it was the right time for me. I married my husband in faith. He was looking for a job and was not working. Still, I didn't base my decision on the rough time we had been going through, but rather my commitment to him. Now he has a job and is able to provide for us but I am happy that I got to show him my commitment even when he had nothing materialistic or monetary to give.

3. What are some things you have to share or blend together once you get married?

The main thing that is different that you'll have to share is your life. All of the dreams, plans, goals, and family that you had before are now shared with the one you marry. These things you should share naturally but there will be other things that you have to intentionally share. Things such as feelings, secrets, money, will require you to put in the effort and communication to be open about those things. Different things work for different couples but Chris and I try our best to share everything. Still, it is healthy to take sometime to spend with friends or get some space every now and then.

As far as worship, I still like to have my secret time with the Lord because that is extra precious but I try to do it early in the morning or when Chris is away so that when he and I are together, we can then spend our devotional time together.

You also have to keep in mind though that God enters the midst of marriages in Him and He is always there.

The bible says: in Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." 

When you get married you are qualified for that verse for the rest of your life. Therefore, you both share God's presence.

4.  What can us single women do to prepare ourselves for our soon-to-be future husbands?

Preparing to be a wife is a process that continues even after marriage. I'm still learning how to be a wife, particularly, Chris' wife. The Lord began preparing me as I kept seeking to develop my relationship with Him personally. It just happened naturally thanks to the Holy Spirit who leads and teaches. Still, a unique way in which the Lord helped prepare me to be a wife was through showing me how to be a best friend. A lot of the skills that are needed for marriage are the same skills that you need in friendships.

With my best friend, I learned a lot about communication. I learned about putting my selfishness aside for her at times and I learned how to build her up rather than compete with her. I also cooked for my best friend a lot and learned a lot of recipes that I now use on my husband. All these things and more are skills and learned and now use in my marriage today.

With Jesus, I practiced things like submission, obedience, trust, intimacy, etc. Now I'm wokring on implementing those important qualities to my marriage.

Your relationship with your husband or wife will be the most important relationship in your life besides the relationship that you have with God. When your time is approaching the Lord will prepare you as you grow in your relationship with Him and you will bear the fruits of the spirit that will help you to grow in your relationships with others.

^"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

Grooming Yourself vs. Grooming Your Vision!!!

         If you want your vision to come to pass, something needs to pass away. That something is you. You need to die to yourself daily so that your vision can live. This great principle is exemplified when God came as a man, Jesus Christ, to this earth and died so that His will and vision of saving those who were lost and giving them ever lasting life could come to fruition.

            So then if you are working towards your vision coming to pass, my advice to you is to die to your flesh. That vision will never be able to manifest itself in the natural and become a reality if your flesh is still relevant and holding the place of what is manifesting.

            You may ask, “how do I die to my flesh?” and “what does that mean”? It means to stop submitting to yourself and begin submitting to your vision, under God. That is the basis of what the whole phrase “employed by my vision” entails. When God came as man to this earth to die for our sins, despite the pain and the agony He knew He would have to face, He submitted unto His own vision so that His will would come to pass. If Jesus would have submitted to His very own feelings and desires at that point, you and I would not have the hope of the salvation that we know today.

            People are depending on you to bring to pass the vision that God has given you. People’s lives and progression are contingent upon your very own obedience to the voice of God. Are you ready to obey? Are you ready to move forth with what God is calling you to do? Are you ready to follow the great example that Christ set in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42)?

            Or are your going by what you and everyone else wills for your life? Are you so focused on how you will look rather than focusing on going after and cultivating this vision? Let me give you some news. If you want this vision to come to pass, you have to be ready to look crazy! You have to be ready to receive persecution even from your family and those who you thought would always support you. You have to step out in faith and have a heart that says, “God I trust you, it does not matter how I look to everyone else, all that matters is that when You look… the vision that You gave me is everything You said it would be.”

            Just like the flesh is in opposition the spirit. How you may look to others is in opposition to how your vision will look. The better you look to everyone else, the more likely that you are compromising the vision that God gave you. People cannot comprehend the secret things of the Lord. The scripture says in 1 Corinthians 2:9 “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” Therefore you must accept the fact that people will not always understand where you are coming from when you share with them the vision that God gave you. You must be even more careful with who you share your vision with because if they do not understand, they will be even more likely to try to kill it. They can do this with their words, lack of support, or negativity.

            If you obey God, trust me, He will not let you down! Are you ready to get rid of all the clutter, distractions, and mixed messages and step out in faith? God is ordering your steps. He just wants you to trust Him. Remember, if you are willing to look crazy before men now, and humble yourself to do His will, He will exalt you before them later. When that vision DOES come to pass, everyone who ever had something to say against you will be silenced.

            Check out Isaiah 54. That baby that God has been growing inside of you is ready to birth. For a little time you have felt crazy. You have felt like everything is going wrong and that God has forsaken you. But all that pain and tribulation was needed to bring about your vision. Just like a women who faces the most major labor pains before birth, you have to go through some things before God elevates you. But at the end, no tongue shall be able to raise against you. Your season of harvest is near. Are you ready to go into labor for this vision? Remember, it’s not about you… it’s about the baby inside of you. People may poke, point, and laugh in the mean time but your Father is legitimate and your baby will be beautiful.

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Isaiah 54

New King James Version (NKJV)

A Perpetual Covenant of Peace

54 “Sing, O barren,
You who have not borne!
Break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
You who have not labored with child!
For more are the children of the desolate
Than the children of the married woman,” says the Lord.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;
Do not spare;
Lengthen your cords,
And strengthen your stakes.
³ For you shall expand to the right and to the left,
And your descendants will inherit the nations,
And make the desolate cities inhabited.

⁴ “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
⁶ For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.
⁷ “For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.
⁸ With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.

⁹ “For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
¹⁰ For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

¹¹ “O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
¹² I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
¹³ All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
¹⁴ In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
¹⁵ Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

¹⁶ “Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.
¹⁷ No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

Be Encouraged,

Prophetic Poet

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Writer Bio: Karolyne Daudin, a freelance photographer and the official founder of IAMImage Photography Company, lives in Tallahassee as a literature and business major at The Florida State University. There, she leads campus ministries and as spoken word poet, her purpose is to encourage and edify a generation by being an example of Christ in speech, lifestyle, love, faith, and purity. You can check out here website at here at http://iamimage.com/ and you can reach her at iamimagephotos@gmail.com.